All to thee my blessed Savior, I surrender all.
What freedom we have to surrender all that we have to God. I never knew that I would get the opportunity to surrender having children with my wife to God. What a difficult privilege to surrender! Shelli and I have been talking about how hard it can be to fully surrender this. Shouldn't surrender be easy? Like giving up? I guess our will to want what we want can be quite strong, making surrender hard. I am so glad that surrendering to God is not a bad thing... and that surrending to him brings life and joy! Wow, I wish my mind really beleived this all the time so I wouldn't put up such a fight!
I desire for my heart to want to yield to God... I want to trust his good, pleasing, and perfect will. Lets be real, I want to really believe that his will is good, pleasing, and perfect.
As I work through this, I am rejoicing at all that God has let me surrender to Him in the past. God, please be big and strong and good to us as we surrender all that we are and all that we have to you now.
Things that God has helped me surrender to him in the past- Singleness, My Grades, Abandonment by friends, Rejection by peers, Financial loss, Financial harship, Depression, Uncertainty of future, Wounds from my dad. There are lots of other things too, but these are some big ones. When I look back on how God has redeemed and restored so many of these situations I praise Him!
Dear Lord, please help us to surrender all to you! Amen.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Because of God and Others - My town.
I fully recognize that I am where I am today because of God and others. My heart fills with gratitude when I reflect on how blessed I have been by other people. This entry is really for me, so that I remember just how I got to this point in my life.
Just the other night I was sharing with Shelli how rich and secure my growing up was. I grew up in a small town of Swedish people who are the best socialists that ever lived. From the time I was born, I was cared for and given richly to by these people. Many of them were aunts and uncles, great-aunts and uncles, cousins and other relatives..but lots of friends and neighbors invested in me too. It warms my heart to think of the countless things they did to bless me. I first want to share about the people from my town. Another post will be reserved for my family, and another for the wise mentors who invested in me. This isn't coming together so I will finish it later.
Just the other night I was sharing with Shelli how rich and secure my growing up was. I grew up in a small town of Swedish people who are the best socialists that ever lived. From the time I was born, I was cared for and given richly to by these people. Many of them were aunts and uncles, great-aunts and uncles, cousins and other relatives..but lots of friends and neighbors invested in me too. It warms my heart to think of the countless things they did to bless me. I first want to share about the people from my town. Another post will be reserved for my family, and another for the wise mentors who invested in me. This isn't coming together so I will finish it later.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
All because of God and Others
I have been learning a lot about poverty lately. Not just having tightly budgeted cicumstances, but true poverty. Like poverty that I don't see here in the Midwest. Poor to the point there is no food. Poor to the point there are minimal to no clothes. Poor where there is no welfare system to feed you and hand you money for doing nothing.
I have lived under the paradigm that you are financially poor because of the decisions you made. In my heart and mind I thought that laziness, bad decision making, having more children than you can afford, unwillingness to labor to earn money, etc leads to poverty. Although those decisions usually lead to being poor in parts of the world, they aren't the cause of those in poverty. While becoming poor and then staying poor is generally cause and affect relationship in America, this is not true in underdeveloped and impoverished nations.
Thanks to God, working hard in America yields rewards. Working hard in Ethiopia and many other underdeveloped nations may just mean you carried more water today. Carrying more water than your neighbor yields little - you are more tired, more hungry, but still in the same financial situation than your neighbor. This causes people to lose hope. People living in true poverty, (places with a lack of resources) lose hope because being smarter, harder working, more creative, and more resourceful yields such minimal results that you are no better off than the next person. I want to be involved with people who are stuck in poverty. I want to see God change their circumstances. I want them to have hope. Now that I know their is a difference between poverty and poor decision making I am motivated to make a difference!
I have also been learning about riches. God is richly blessing our business. (at least it feels that way, because I don't have the books balanced to prove it:) I have found my heart being deceitfully proud of the financial situation that Shelli and I are in. We live a comfortable life here in America. Is this really a blessing? It is, but no more than the blessing of living paycheck to paycheck and watching God bring in just the right amount of money to provide for our needs. I was beginning to give our hard work the credit for our financial success. That is not where the credit deserves to lie. It solely belongs to God and all the people he has put in our lives to get us to this point.
This blog entry will be continued...
I have lived under the paradigm that you are financially poor because of the decisions you made. In my heart and mind I thought that laziness, bad decision making, having more children than you can afford, unwillingness to labor to earn money, etc leads to poverty. Although those decisions usually lead to being poor in parts of the world, they aren't the cause of those in poverty. While becoming poor and then staying poor is generally cause and affect relationship in America, this is not true in underdeveloped and impoverished nations.
Thanks to God, working hard in America yields rewards. Working hard in Ethiopia and many other underdeveloped nations may just mean you carried more water today. Carrying more water than your neighbor yields little - you are more tired, more hungry, but still in the same financial situation than your neighbor. This causes people to lose hope. People living in true poverty, (places with a lack of resources) lose hope because being smarter, harder working, more creative, and more resourceful yields such minimal results that you are no better off than the next person. I want to be involved with people who are stuck in poverty. I want to see God change their circumstances. I want them to have hope. Now that I know their is a difference between poverty and poor decision making I am motivated to make a difference!
I have also been learning about riches. God is richly blessing our business. (at least it feels that way, because I don't have the books balanced to prove it:) I have found my heart being deceitfully proud of the financial situation that Shelli and I are in. We live a comfortable life here in America. Is this really a blessing? It is, but no more than the blessing of living paycheck to paycheck and watching God bring in just the right amount of money to provide for our needs. I was beginning to give our hard work the credit for our financial success. That is not where the credit deserves to lie. It solely belongs to God and all the people he has put in our lives to get us to this point.
This blog entry will be continued...
Sunday, May 1, 2011
He's Alive!
I am so thankful for Jesus! My heart just overflows with love towards him. I thank God for softening my heart to himself and feeling his presence so strongly in our lives this season. This Easter I have been so thankful that Christ is alive and working in each human being's heart whether we realize it or not.
With Shelli and I dealing with a lot of death in our lives lately, the fact that Christ overcame death has been such a powerful thing for me to reflect on. When I think about Christ conquering death my heart gets overwhelmed... in awe. As I try to take it in I cry and smile and sing all at the same time. I have enjoyed Matt Maher's song "Christ is Risen" this Easter season.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A44xU35UC1Y&feature=related
I have been known to roll down my window, raise my arm (sometimes both arms:) high to the Victorious One, and declare as loudly as I can "Oh death, where is your sting!" "Our God is NOT dead, He's Alive! He's Alive!
My spirit yearns to make space in my life for this wonderful God. Now I just need to do the disciplined actions required to spend time with Him.
I hope you had a great time celebrating the Sacrificial and Victorious One this Easter... that He richly touched your life in some way... and that you experience resurrection power and joy as you go through your day.
With Shelli and I dealing with a lot of death in our lives lately, the fact that Christ overcame death has been such a powerful thing for me to reflect on. When I think about Christ conquering death my heart gets overwhelmed... in awe. As I try to take it in I cry and smile and sing all at the same time. I have enjoyed Matt Maher's song "Christ is Risen" this Easter season.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A44xU35UC1Y&feature=related
I have been known to roll down my window, raise my arm (sometimes both arms:) high to the Victorious One, and declare as loudly as I can "Oh death, where is your sting!" "Our God is NOT dead, He's Alive! He's Alive!
My spirit yearns to make space in my life for this wonderful God. Now I just need to do the disciplined actions required to spend time with Him.
I hope you had a great time celebrating the Sacrificial and Victorious One this Easter... that He richly touched your life in some way... and that you experience resurrection power and joy as you go through your day.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Before and After
Here are some funny things that we thought WE would do when it was our turn to have babies. Yeah, since that hasn't worked out so well, we have had a chance to give these things over to the Lord and can now laugh at our prejudicous opinions!
Check out these BEFORE and AFTERS for some Humor.
1. No epidural - Who cares after all we've been through, just give us a baby Lord.
2. Absolutley No induction - Still No induction (Julie did us in on this one, plus numerous other horror stories)
3. Absolutely No C Section - Shelli still does not want a C-section if she can help it, but trying for twins may mean C-section if the Lord blesses us with 2!
4. Breast Feed only - Breast feed if the Lord allows.
5. Not "plan" the birth of our kids. (Like spoil 1 for 3 yrs, then have another 1 when you are good and ready.) In our minds, we thought we would just have as many as the Lord allowed and as often as the Lord allowed until Shelli or I thought we can't do that anymore. Well, we haven't had to worry about that one! Ha Ha!
6. Shelli, No twins (she often asked me, Are you trying to kill me?) to 1 would be great, 2 would be great too Lord.
7. Water Birth Only - Totally just kidding:)
I guess we still have to wait to see if the Lord brings a baby to fruition. But in the meantime we are trying to keep a sense of humor and wait in constant hope!
Check out these BEFORE and AFTERS for some Humor.
1. No epidural - Who cares after all we've been through, just give us a baby Lord.
2. Absolutley No induction - Still No induction (Julie did us in on this one, plus numerous other horror stories)
3. Absolutely No C Section - Shelli still does not want a C-section if she can help it, but trying for twins may mean C-section if the Lord blesses us with 2!
4. Breast Feed only - Breast feed if the Lord allows.
5. Not "plan" the birth of our kids. (Like spoil 1 for 3 yrs, then have another 1 when you are good and ready.) In our minds, we thought we would just have as many as the Lord allowed and as often as the Lord allowed until Shelli or I thought we can't do that anymore. Well, we haven't had to worry about that one! Ha Ha!
6. Shelli, No twins (she often asked me, Are you trying to kill me?) to 1 would be great, 2 would be great too Lord.
7. Water Birth Only - Totally just kidding:)
I guess we still have to wait to see if the Lord brings a baby to fruition. But in the meantime we are trying to keep a sense of humor and wait in constant hope!
Eye Opening Anesthesia
I am writing from St. Louis. For the first time in my life I saw a person come out of anesthesia...and it was my wife. Everyday, I use the exact same drug they used on Shelli, Propofol, (the drug Michael Jackson made famous) to induce my surgery patients. I act like it is no big deal. Well, when its your wife, it suddenly becomes a big deal. Watching Shelli become unconcious and trusting some anesthetist to keep her alive was something I don't want to experience again. When they brought Shelli out of surgery, they wheeled her into the recovery room and I was constantly taking her pulse and respiration rates. She looked so peaceful, and so not alive. I kept waking her up and making her talk, even though she has no memory of this. I am praising the Lord that she is now wide awake. Now I am cheering her on to get well soon, because she is so so sick from all the hormones that decided to go out of control post superovulation. We were totally not prepared for Shelli to be so sick. Jesus, heal her fast... and then once we get through all this please give us 1or 2 babies this summer! Yeah for no more anesthesia.
Friday, April 15, 2011
2 Hard Lessons
I love raising American Quarter Horses. It brings me such joy. I love to marvel at my pregnant mares and each year I feel so excited about what God does when he makes a new baby foal. I get really attached to my foals. Its probably because I pray and dream and pray some more for them to come to fruition. I also have a hand in putting each baby inside of the mare, and I get to see that special baby at day 12 on ultrasound. Isn't God amazing?
God has been amazing in ways that have hurt really really bad too. My absolute favorite stallion ever was a horse named Deck of Stars. I wanted so badly to have Deck daughters in my broodmare band because they are so beautiful, sweet, and people horses. I have had the privilege of owning 2 such mares, and both have taught me some very hard, but important spiritual lessons. I will forever hold a special place in my heart, mind, and life for the role my Deck of Stars mares have played in my spiritual formation.
The first Deck filly God gave me was my second foal ever. Her name was All Star Investment. The name seems appropriate now. The filly lived 355 days inside her mommas tummy and then died during delivery.
The night the filly was delivered was over 11 years ago, but I remember it like yesterday. I was laying on my bed, the bottom bunk in the very northeast room of the AGR house in Lincoln, NE. The Lord spoke to me that night directly. He told me my mare would have a filly, and the filly would die. And that is exactly what happened. I called my mom in the morning. I said exactly these words. "Hi mom, did Cash have her baby last night?" She said "yes", I said, WAS it a filly? She said yes. I said, "did she die?" Mom said yes. I cried from the depths of my heart because I knew why the filly died and it was because of my unfaithfulness to the Lord. (My mares were bred to Deck of Stars his very last season standing at stud. After the breeding season, Deck died of a shoulder fracture, so I could never get another Deck baby born on my place. This was definitely a blow)
This is why I know in my heart that All Star Investment died. I had promised God if he sold my first colt, All Star Gain, for $4000, that I would give him 10% of the money. Well, God was faithful and sold the colt, but I never got around to keeping my end of the deal. God was working on my heart so personally, to give my first fruits, but I just hung on to the money too tightly.
I am SO SO SO thankful that God dealt with me harshly that day. My treasure was in money (and still is somedays) and it was not in the Lord. He nipped right there, in the budding stages of my heart, my love for money and earthly riches. God has an amazing way of pinpointing the sin in our life and dealing with each one of us individually. Now I can see why that lesson was so important. We have a lot of money coming and going in our lives. He richly blesses us with a large income, that is not ours to horde. Lord, let me never forget the lesson All Star Investment taught me.
I have raised 40 quarter horses since that day and I now remember our great provider in each and every sale that he makes. I want to give him the first fruits and all the glory he deserves when he raises a foal and sells it for us. Thank-you Jesus for all the wonderful foals you have made and sold for us over the last 10 years since All Star died.
I have had only one other Deck of Stars filly. Her name was Stars from Heaven. Star was never suppose to be. Her momma, Amber, should have died after her first pregnancy, (All Star Gain.) But God did a miracle and made Amber live. Then Amber was never suppose to get pregnant... and she did. Amber got in foal to my favorite sire Deck of Stars and carried the most beautiful filly, my gift, Star. Oh how I loved that filly.
Star grew up and became a prized member of my broodmare band, just like I had dreamed.
Star had 4 colts in a row for me, of which I was so thankful. But I longed for her to have one more baby, a beautiful filly like herself. So I bred Star 1 more time, this time to a world champion stallion, in hopes of that filly. Star conceived in 2009, but lost the baby at day 30. Star conceived again in 2010. This time twins, and one baby had to be reduced at day 18 to spare the life of Star and the other twin. Star carried the other twin "Radically Blessed" exactly 11 months.
The night Radically Blessed was born, I sat in my house and in the quietness I heard God speak to me again about sin that was in my life, just like he did 11 yrs earlier. Sin that I treated like a good friend instead of an enemy. Sin that was a danger to my relationship with God and my wife and other people. Sin that I didn't want to get rid of. In that moment God spoke to me, "the wages of sin is death." When that verse came to me, I thought, would God really take my filly again?
Well, later that night I learned the answer was Yes. That night, the filly that I longed for was born. And she died. And she was the perfect picture or equine beauty I had hoped and prayed for. I strongly heard the Lord. "The wages of sin is death. My son died for your sin and you treat that so flippantly. You go on sinning when you know it is wrong." I am sad to say that willful disobedience had become a part of my life.
God provided me the vivid picture of death that night, even though it was death of a horse, so that I could again be reminded of the huge cost of sin and the huge price he paid.
What really floored me was that God was not finished with my sick heart yet after Radically Blessed died. He made me really realize the wages of my sin, in having my beloved Star die, 5 days after foaling in Shelli and My arms. This hurts so bad. It hurts so bad because I know it was my fault. I know it was my fault for not listening to my God talking to me about sin. Oh how I need to make Jesus my LORD, not just my ticket to eternity in heaven.
The price for disobedience has been painful in my life. God really does speak to my heart in these situations. From now on I want to listen to him before he has to hurt me to get my attention. I am so sorry to my wife that my sin caused her dear friend Star to die. Oh God, Let me never forget this valuable lesson.
In Conclusion:
My hearts desire is that I do not forget about these spiritual lessons that God used my most prized earthly equine possesions to teach me.
Prayer from my broken heart - Lord, please help me to always keep you first place in my life - giving to your work whenever you provide for our needs. (The lesson of All Star Investment)
Help me Jesus to never let sin get a stonghold in my life. Help me to deal with it severely, remembering the wages of sin is death. (The lesson of Stars from Heaven)
Jesus, You are the morning star from heaven, who paid the price on the cross for my sin, so that I would no longer walk in sin and darkness. I want to walk in your light, in truth, and in holiness. Help me now. I love you and I am sorry.
God has been amazing in ways that have hurt really really bad too. My absolute favorite stallion ever was a horse named Deck of Stars. I wanted so badly to have Deck daughters in my broodmare band because they are so beautiful, sweet, and people horses. I have had the privilege of owning 2 such mares, and both have taught me some very hard, but important spiritual lessons. I will forever hold a special place in my heart, mind, and life for the role my Deck of Stars mares have played in my spiritual formation.
The first Deck filly God gave me was my second foal ever. Her name was All Star Investment. The name seems appropriate now. The filly lived 355 days inside her mommas tummy and then died during delivery.
The night the filly was delivered was over 11 years ago, but I remember it like yesterday. I was laying on my bed, the bottom bunk in the very northeast room of the AGR house in Lincoln, NE. The Lord spoke to me that night directly. He told me my mare would have a filly, and the filly would die. And that is exactly what happened. I called my mom in the morning. I said exactly these words. "Hi mom, did Cash have her baby last night?" She said "yes", I said, WAS it a filly? She said yes. I said, "did she die?" Mom said yes. I cried from the depths of my heart because I knew why the filly died and it was because of my unfaithfulness to the Lord. (My mares were bred to Deck of Stars his very last season standing at stud. After the breeding season, Deck died of a shoulder fracture, so I could never get another Deck baby born on my place. This was definitely a blow)
This is why I know in my heart that All Star Investment died. I had promised God if he sold my first colt, All Star Gain, for $4000, that I would give him 10% of the money. Well, God was faithful and sold the colt, but I never got around to keeping my end of the deal. God was working on my heart so personally, to give my first fruits, but I just hung on to the money too tightly.
I am SO SO SO thankful that God dealt with me harshly that day. My treasure was in money (and still is somedays) and it was not in the Lord. He nipped right there, in the budding stages of my heart, my love for money and earthly riches. God has an amazing way of pinpointing the sin in our life and dealing with each one of us individually. Now I can see why that lesson was so important. We have a lot of money coming and going in our lives. He richly blesses us with a large income, that is not ours to horde. Lord, let me never forget the lesson All Star Investment taught me.
I have raised 40 quarter horses since that day and I now remember our great provider in each and every sale that he makes. I want to give him the first fruits and all the glory he deserves when he raises a foal and sells it for us. Thank-you Jesus for all the wonderful foals you have made and sold for us over the last 10 years since All Star died.
I have had only one other Deck of Stars filly. Her name was Stars from Heaven. Star was never suppose to be. Her momma, Amber, should have died after her first pregnancy, (All Star Gain.) But God did a miracle and made Amber live. Then Amber was never suppose to get pregnant... and she did. Amber got in foal to my favorite sire Deck of Stars and carried the most beautiful filly, my gift, Star. Oh how I loved that filly.
Star grew up and became a prized member of my broodmare band, just like I had dreamed.
Star had 4 colts in a row for me, of which I was so thankful. But I longed for her to have one more baby, a beautiful filly like herself. So I bred Star 1 more time, this time to a world champion stallion, in hopes of that filly. Star conceived in 2009, but lost the baby at day 30. Star conceived again in 2010. This time twins, and one baby had to be reduced at day 18 to spare the life of Star and the other twin. Star carried the other twin "Radically Blessed" exactly 11 months.
The night Radically Blessed was born, I sat in my house and in the quietness I heard God speak to me again about sin that was in my life, just like he did 11 yrs earlier. Sin that I treated like a good friend instead of an enemy. Sin that was a danger to my relationship with God and my wife and other people. Sin that I didn't want to get rid of. In that moment God spoke to me, "the wages of sin is death." When that verse came to me, I thought, would God really take my filly again?
Well, later that night I learned the answer was Yes. That night, the filly that I longed for was born. And she died. And she was the perfect picture or equine beauty I had hoped and prayed for. I strongly heard the Lord. "The wages of sin is death. My son died for your sin and you treat that so flippantly. You go on sinning when you know it is wrong." I am sad to say that willful disobedience had become a part of my life.
God provided me the vivid picture of death that night, even though it was death of a horse, so that I could again be reminded of the huge cost of sin and the huge price he paid.
What really floored me was that God was not finished with my sick heart yet after Radically Blessed died. He made me really realize the wages of my sin, in having my beloved Star die, 5 days after foaling in Shelli and My arms. This hurts so bad. It hurts so bad because I know it was my fault. I know it was my fault for not listening to my God talking to me about sin. Oh how I need to make Jesus my LORD, not just my ticket to eternity in heaven.
The price for disobedience has been painful in my life. God really does speak to my heart in these situations. From now on I want to listen to him before he has to hurt me to get my attention. I am so sorry to my wife that my sin caused her dear friend Star to die. Oh God, Let me never forget this valuable lesson.
In Conclusion:
My hearts desire is that I do not forget about these spiritual lessons that God used my most prized earthly equine possesions to teach me.
Prayer from my broken heart - Lord, please help me to always keep you first place in my life - giving to your work whenever you provide for our needs. (The lesson of All Star Investment)
Help me Jesus to never let sin get a stonghold in my life. Help me to deal with it severely, remembering the wages of sin is death. (The lesson of Stars from Heaven)
Jesus, You are the morning star from heaven, who paid the price on the cross for my sin, so that I would no longer walk in sin and darkness. I want to walk in your light, in truth, and in holiness. Help me now. I love you and I am sorry.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Love That Is Celebrated Year Round
Shelli and I don't get into Valentines day. I am thankful. I have always thought it was a big waste of money and overdone. I enjoy giving Shelli flowers, however, I prefer to design the arrangement myself because it generally turns out better that way. The last arrangement, (2 weeks ago) I let the florist do, Shelli and I had to overhaul as soon as we got it home. I will have to resort to building my own again. Florists are too busy to let some cowboy come in in his work clothes and take 20 minutes to put together his own arrangement the week of Valentines day, so I will stay away. I think it is interesting that you pay twice as much for flowers this week and get half the amount. Now thats a joke.
Now, don't get me wrong, we are all about celebrating love around here, but fickle, transient love isn't for us! We are into a lifelong commitment kind of love that you can celebrate for your whole life. And the unconditional love of Christ that transcends time and wells up into your heart year round... That's the kind of love worth celebrating.
I am so thankful to have a wife like Shelli. Last night I was talking to my bachelor friend, who is a famous surgeon and has been on television in his scrubs:) I was sure he would get married after that! Anyway, I diverge... I got to share about how great marriage is. I told him that marriage is WAY better than I expected. I love being married, and I highly recommended that he commit to tying the knot!! I told him that I beleive if a man chooses wisely he will be thankful for his wife the rest of his life.
Dr. Hawkins told me I was the first person to ever tell him that marriage is better than expected and that it is so much fun. I was thankful that I could share that with him. I am thankful for my friends who have great marriages like Aric and Toni and Brad and Julie who set good examples for us. I grieve for my friends who's marriages fall apart because the man chooses unwisely or one partner chooses to not follow God.
This valentine's day I will celebrate my pefect gift from the Lord in my wife. His provision for me has been beyond wonderful. And for that I am thankful. Happy Valentines Day Sweetheart. Be Mine Forever!
Now, don't get me wrong, we are all about celebrating love around here, but fickle, transient love isn't for us! We are into a lifelong commitment kind of love that you can celebrate for your whole life. And the unconditional love of Christ that transcends time and wells up into your heart year round... That's the kind of love worth celebrating.
I am so thankful to have a wife like Shelli. Last night I was talking to my bachelor friend, who is a famous surgeon and has been on television in his scrubs:) I was sure he would get married after that! Anyway, I diverge... I got to share about how great marriage is. I told him that marriage is WAY better than I expected. I love being married, and I highly recommended that he commit to tying the knot!! I told him that I beleive if a man chooses wisely he will be thankful for his wife the rest of his life.
Dr. Hawkins told me I was the first person to ever tell him that marriage is better than expected and that it is so much fun. I was thankful that I could share that with him. I am thankful for my friends who have great marriages like Aric and Toni and Brad and Julie who set good examples for us. I grieve for my friends who's marriages fall apart because the man chooses unwisely or one partner chooses to not follow God.
This valentine's day I will celebrate my pefect gift from the Lord in my wife. His provision for me has been beyond wonderful. And for that I am thankful. Happy Valentines Day Sweetheart. Be Mine Forever!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Thankful for my job.
With the temperatures dipping down below 0 degrees and listening to the wind howling this past week, I was reminded of how thankful I am for my job. Specifically that I no longer go take my coat off in blizzards and shove it up a cows vagina or rectum. I think some ranchers/farmers are the toughest creatures on the plains, I think others of them are just plain crazy. The tough and crazies would schedule me to come out this time of year to castrate their calves! Oh how I dreaded this. I should have made them take off their gloves/mittens and dip them in water below 32 degrees and let them air dry in temperatures below freezing.
This is a true story that most don't realize happens frequently in the life of a bovine veterinarian... I would have to dip my hands in a bucket of water between each calf. It was a race... Could I get done with the entire herd before the water froze? When the rim around the top of the water had 1/8 of an inch of ice on it, I would trade it out for as hot of water as I could get my hands on. Which wasn't usually very hot, because we would be in a remote place with limited hot water. Sometimes it was even cold water, but warmer straight out of the hydrant than what was in my bucket.
I specifically remember one farm... that had 40-50 head... so they claimed and it should only take about an 1 1/2 hrs. I thought I could handle it. I should have cancelled, which was not acceptable per my boss or secretary so I didn't. They had more than 50 head and it was way too cold. When the farmers are wearing Parka's and MITTENS this is a bad sign!!! My hands got so cold I couldn't feel them, I could just feel pain from my wrist down. My feet weren't much better. And I was standing on ice trying not to fall on my butt! I am getting nauseated thinking about. My boss recommended that I wear latex gloves because they "really cut down on the wind chill." Yeah right! I did wear latex gloves, are you joking me?!
So I lift a toast to myself and say thank-you Jesus for providing me with a job that is a joy, no matter what season it is!
This is a true story that most don't realize happens frequently in the life of a bovine veterinarian... I would have to dip my hands in a bucket of water between each calf. It was a race... Could I get done with the entire herd before the water froze? When the rim around the top of the water had 1/8 of an inch of ice on it, I would trade it out for as hot of water as I could get my hands on. Which wasn't usually very hot, because we would be in a remote place with limited hot water. Sometimes it was even cold water, but warmer straight out of the hydrant than what was in my bucket.
I specifically remember one farm... that had 40-50 head... so they claimed and it should only take about an 1 1/2 hrs. I thought I could handle it. I should have cancelled, which was not acceptable per my boss or secretary so I didn't. They had more than 50 head and it was way too cold. When the farmers are wearing Parka's and MITTENS this is a bad sign!!! My hands got so cold I couldn't feel them, I could just feel pain from my wrist down. My feet weren't much better. And I was standing on ice trying not to fall on my butt! I am getting nauseated thinking about. My boss recommended that I wear latex gloves because they "really cut down on the wind chill." Yeah right! I did wear latex gloves, are you joking me?!
So I lift a toast to myself and say thank-you Jesus for providing me with a job that is a joy, no matter what season it is!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
This Journey
This journey we are on in life is quite interesting. There have been several chapters of my life I would have never chose to live, but God must have chose them for me... I relied on him... He brought me through... and I praise and thank him for taking me through most of them in retrospect. It is still painful to think deeply about some of the situations though.
One such chapter is the one God is writing now. I didn't ever really want to know this much about trying to have children. I sure would have never picked this road to walk on. I was the one in marriage counseling when asked "when do you want to have kids?" that responded "Right away, and I hope we have twins:)" I have been oh so thankful for my time with Shelli. I feel like we have a fabulous marriage. We are so in love, spend lots of time together, and truly enjoy and feel richly blessed by the other person. It seems like all couples should have to share a deepness of relationship before they have kids too. Obviously not. Hormones have accomplished much over the years.
I want to walk this road well, but so far have resorted to some not so Christ like responses. Today, I prayed, Lord we want to glorify you even in this. Jesus, help us to do that.
I am looking forward to God coming through for us. I truly feel that he will. I am trying so hard to trust in his timing, even though every month I am sure his timing must be now!!! For many years now, I have felt that I would have a set of twins for children. I told that to Shelli soon after we were married and to our best man. I am sure they both thought I was crazy. However, I am beginning to wander if God was speaking that into my life in preparation for this trial. Just today we talked about whether or not we would be okay with twins if we use fertility treatments. We both said a resounding Yes! I think it would be quite splendid if God brings this to fruition. However, we would be just as thankful (probably even more so) if he would give us 1 healthy baby now before we have to do anything else! Come on God, please come quickly and take care of our hearts as we wait in expectation. We love you, and promise to give you all the glory, no matter what happens.
One such chapter is the one God is writing now. I didn't ever really want to know this much about trying to have children. I sure would have never picked this road to walk on. I was the one in marriage counseling when asked "when do you want to have kids?" that responded "Right away, and I hope we have twins:)" I have been oh so thankful for my time with Shelli. I feel like we have a fabulous marriage. We are so in love, spend lots of time together, and truly enjoy and feel richly blessed by the other person. It seems like all couples should have to share a deepness of relationship before they have kids too. Obviously not. Hormones have accomplished much over the years.
I want to walk this road well, but so far have resorted to some not so Christ like responses. Today, I prayed, Lord we want to glorify you even in this. Jesus, help us to do that.
I am looking forward to God coming through for us. I truly feel that he will. I am trying so hard to trust in his timing, even though every month I am sure his timing must be now!!! For many years now, I have felt that I would have a set of twins for children. I told that to Shelli soon after we were married and to our best man. I am sure they both thought I was crazy. However, I am beginning to wander if God was speaking that into my life in preparation for this trial. Just today we talked about whether or not we would be okay with twins if we use fertility treatments. We both said a resounding Yes! I think it would be quite splendid if God brings this to fruition. However, we would be just as thankful (probably even more so) if he would give us 1 healthy baby now before we have to do anything else! Come on God, please come quickly and take care of our hearts as we wait in expectation. We love you, and promise to give you all the glory, no matter what happens.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Willa Joins our Family
We have a new family member. It is a Cockatiel named Willa. Her Birthday is the same as mine, October 2nd. I have always enjoyed birds. As a child, I had a beautiful blue,green, and yellow Budgie named "Davy." His cage still hangs in my parents garage. I purchased him in 8th grade with the money I recieved from my family and church family for my confirmation celebration. I have such fond memories of him singing when we vacuumed or when we were loud. He had free flight of our home. Thankfully he never flew out an open door. He also never flew into the ceiling fans. He returned to his cage each night on his own. But one week when I was in highschool, I forgot to feed him and he died. I was so sad and I buried him under the pear tree in a decorative tin. I have always wanted to get another bird, so I finally decided to do it. So I purchased Willa.
I hope Shelli posts a picture so you can see her. She is quite pretty and has a fun personality. She loves both of us. She is sometimes talkative, especially when she wants fed or out of her cage. She mostly just wants to be with us, specifically our shoulder. She just got through standing at Shelli's feet the entire time she did dishes... and now she is upstairs sitting on my shoulder while I type this. Willa has already made a trip to the nursing home to visit my grandma and she went right to Grandma's diamond earings and started pulling on them! She has good taste. She also went home for Christmas so Luke could enjoy her.
Shelli doesn't particularly care for pet birds, but she has quickly become a fan of Willa. We wanted to give her a name that declares her home in Nebraska, because Cockatiels are originally from Australia. She is named after Nebraska native author Willa Cather.
If you or your kids like birds, come over for a visit! I hope we have her for a long time and that we enjoy her as much as I did Davy. I have noticed that Willa is a little more needy, not quite as pretty, and not as good of a flyer. However, she loves people and that makes her a great bird!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Waiting in Hope
Okay, for the record, this is my first blog entry. Ever. And I’m starting out with a doozey, so please bear with me. But I feel there are all these thoughts tumbling in my head that need to be let go, and although we only have one follower, it will feel good to get this out there. And as a side note, our dear follower already knows a lot of this! So here goes…
Brad and I were older when we got married (29), but I wasn’t ready for children right away. We had based our relationship on God’s standard for marriage, so I was just excited to get to live with him and get to know him before there were others around to care for and think about. My prayer was that God would give me a desire for children when the time was right. Well, the desire has most definitely come and taken root, but no children have followed.
For two years now, Brad and I have been trying to have a baby. It hasn’t happened yet. It breaks our hearts. Sometimes, I feel it crushes mine. I sometimes feel it’s my fault for not wanting a baby right away. We have had numerous tests performed, and so far, the doctors can find no medical reason for our infertility. Being veterinarians, and medically-minded, it is hard for us not to have a “reason,” at least medically speaking. So then I turn to God with all of my whys and questions. Why do single teenagers get to have babies? Why do couples having pre-marital sex get to have babies? Why do couples in volatile relationships that DO NOT want children get to have babies? Why do couples not in relationship with Jesus get to have babies? Why do I have to be several days late some months, just to have my hopes crushed with one trip to the bathroom? Why keep hoping, believing, and trusting if You are not going to come through? Are you mocking me God? Do you see my tears? Do you feel this pain in my heart? Do you know how I much I long for a family? Do you even care?
For so long, my head could answer those questions with His Truth, but my heart wailed and threw a tantrum each month, focusing my anger, hurt, and disappointment on God. But this month was different. We tried a different procedure this month. I was three days late. But once again, no baby. The familiar pain in my heart seared once again, as it has so many months before. But this time, there was no anger. No two-year-old-pounding-my-fists at God temper tantrum, like before. Just the honest cry of not understanding, but trusting my King with all my heart. At least for now, my heart somewhat gets it. And I hope I continue to grow in this.
God has done so much for me. For us. He gave up His only Son from the glory of heaven to be dependent on man as an infant, to then grow up to be tortured, mocked, and crucified, that He would be raised to life to give me new life. God gave up so much for me. So did Jesus. He gave up heaven and all the power he held there. He didn’t get to have a family while on earth. He suffered intensely for me. God does care. He knows my pain. And He never promised that everything would be easy or wonderful in our eyes if we follow Him. He does promise that if we know Him, then we will not be disappointed. And it may not look like the way I would have planned, but I know His thoughts and plans our higher than mine. And I know that in the end, I will not be disappointed. I will be with Him for all eternity.
“Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed.” Isaiah 49:23b
So now the cycle of hoping…believing…waiting begins again. And I know that the God that created life in the womb of a virgin can create life in me. I know that all things are possible with my God, so I wait with anxious expectation to see what He will do.
Brad and I were older when we got married (29), but I wasn’t ready for children right away. We had based our relationship on God’s standard for marriage, so I was just excited to get to live with him and get to know him before there were others around to care for and think about. My prayer was that God would give me a desire for children when the time was right. Well, the desire has most definitely come and taken root, but no children have followed.
For two years now, Brad and I have been trying to have a baby. It hasn’t happened yet. It breaks our hearts. Sometimes, I feel it crushes mine. I sometimes feel it’s my fault for not wanting a baby right away. We have had numerous tests performed, and so far, the doctors can find no medical reason for our infertility. Being veterinarians, and medically-minded, it is hard for us not to have a “reason,” at least medically speaking. So then I turn to God with all of my whys and questions. Why do single teenagers get to have babies? Why do couples having pre-marital sex get to have babies? Why do couples in volatile relationships that DO NOT want children get to have babies? Why do couples not in relationship with Jesus get to have babies? Why do I have to be several days late some months, just to have my hopes crushed with one trip to the bathroom? Why keep hoping, believing, and trusting if You are not going to come through? Are you mocking me God? Do you see my tears? Do you feel this pain in my heart? Do you know how I much I long for a family? Do you even care?
For so long, my head could answer those questions with His Truth, but my heart wailed and threw a tantrum each month, focusing my anger, hurt, and disappointment on God. But this month was different. We tried a different procedure this month. I was three days late. But once again, no baby. The familiar pain in my heart seared once again, as it has so many months before. But this time, there was no anger. No two-year-old-pounding-my-fists at God temper tantrum, like before. Just the honest cry of not understanding, but trusting my King with all my heart. At least for now, my heart somewhat gets it. And I hope I continue to grow in this.
God has done so much for me. For us. He gave up His only Son from the glory of heaven to be dependent on man as an infant, to then grow up to be tortured, mocked, and crucified, that He would be raised to life to give me new life. God gave up so much for me. So did Jesus. He gave up heaven and all the power he held there. He didn’t get to have a family while on earth. He suffered intensely for me. God does care. He knows my pain. And He never promised that everything would be easy or wonderful in our eyes if we follow Him. He does promise that if we know Him, then we will not be disappointed. And it may not look like the way I would have planned, but I know His thoughts and plans our higher than mine. And I know that in the end, I will not be disappointed. I will be with Him for all eternity.
“Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed.” Isaiah 49:23b
So now the cycle of hoping…believing…waiting begins again. And I know that the God that created life in the womb of a virgin can create life in me. I know that all things are possible with my God, so I wait with anxious expectation to see what He will do.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
The loves of my life.
I have 2 loves in my life. My Jesus and My Wife. I speak of them in that order because Jesus is my first love and Shelli is my second love. Thats the way we like it around here. I am Shelli's second love too. We are so glad the other one is crazy about our Savior.
Lately I have felt more in love with my second love than ever. It is amazing how little love one has for their mate when you first get married. I feel like the depth of love I have for her today is not even comparable to 2 1/2 years ago. I can't imagine how much I will love Shelli years down the road. Like 50 years from now... I am pretty sure both of us will be uanable to function without the other... Plus, we'd both rather be in heaven by then anyway so I guess God will work that one out for us!
Its not that I love my Savior any less, it is just with everything we are going through right now, it has made it easy to love Shelli. She is precious. She is so compliant and willing to please me. She is a delicate flower and sturdy oak tree wrapped up in one package. She does so much more for this marriage than I do. She thinks of me throughout the day and can't wait for me to get home from work. She very rarely wants to spend time away from me. She is kind and gentle. I am rough and coarse. She is soft hearted and quiet. I am soft hearted and loud. She works so hard for us preparing excellent meals, keeping our house, earning lots of money at a demanding job, taking care of my horse business, loving the poor and needy, and taking care of the billion things that my random brain leaves for her to do, plus all the things she wants to do and sometimes doesn't get to.
I am reading the book "It all goes back in the box" by John Ortberg. There was a striking story in the book about a husband and wife named Carlyle and Jane that really struck me. The story goes like this..
Carlyle married his secretary Jane. She was highly intelligent and attractive, and she continued to serve as Carlyle's secretary after their marriage. Some time after their marriage, Jane became ill with cancer.
Carlyle was deeply devoted to his work. He did not seem to notice his wife's ill health much. Eventually she was confined to her bed. Although Carlyle truly loved Jane, he found that he did not have much time to stay with her or much attention to give to her. After several years of this, Jane died.
The day of her funeral, once Jane was burried, Carlyle returned to their house that was suddenly, shateringly empty. He went upstairs to Jane's room and sat in the chair next to her bed, the chair he had had so little time for. He noticed her diary lying on the table next to her bed. He picked it up and began to read. On one entire page she had written a single line: "Yesterday he spent an hour with me and it was like heaven: I love him so."
A reality that he had somehow been too blind to see now revealed itself with crushing clarity. Carlyle turned the page of Jane's diary. He read the words that would break his heart, words he could never forget: "I have listened all day to hear his steps in the hall, but now it is late and I guess he won't come today."
I sat stunned as I read. I know sometimes I treat Shelli this way. I have all these things I do in a day and she just wants to spend time with me. Sometimes I fill my day with everything but my precious wife who I love so much. My heart and eyes welled up with tears. I knew I was guilty of a similar lifestyle. My wife lay sleeping next to me while I read and I was able to put my book down and talk to my other Love about helping me be a better husband.
I am so glad that I read this story. It has helped me remember to take time for Shelli. She needs it and deserves it. I love her so much that I look forward to perfecting spending time with her for many more years. I am glad that we are a work in progress. Now time to go be with her.
Lately I have felt more in love with my second love than ever. It is amazing how little love one has for their mate when you first get married. I feel like the depth of love I have for her today is not even comparable to 2 1/2 years ago. I can't imagine how much I will love Shelli years down the road. Like 50 years from now... I am pretty sure both of us will be uanable to function without the other... Plus, we'd both rather be in heaven by then anyway so I guess God will work that one out for us!
Its not that I love my Savior any less, it is just with everything we are going through right now, it has made it easy to love Shelli. She is precious. She is so compliant and willing to please me. She is a delicate flower and sturdy oak tree wrapped up in one package. She does so much more for this marriage than I do. She thinks of me throughout the day and can't wait for me to get home from work. She very rarely wants to spend time away from me. She is kind and gentle. I am rough and coarse. She is soft hearted and quiet. I am soft hearted and loud. She works so hard for us preparing excellent meals, keeping our house, earning lots of money at a demanding job, taking care of my horse business, loving the poor and needy, and taking care of the billion things that my random brain leaves for her to do, plus all the things she wants to do and sometimes doesn't get to.
I am reading the book "It all goes back in the box" by John Ortberg. There was a striking story in the book about a husband and wife named Carlyle and Jane that really struck me. The story goes like this..
Carlyle married his secretary Jane. She was highly intelligent and attractive, and she continued to serve as Carlyle's secretary after their marriage. Some time after their marriage, Jane became ill with cancer.
Carlyle was deeply devoted to his work. He did not seem to notice his wife's ill health much. Eventually she was confined to her bed. Although Carlyle truly loved Jane, he found that he did not have much time to stay with her or much attention to give to her. After several years of this, Jane died.
The day of her funeral, once Jane was burried, Carlyle returned to their house that was suddenly, shateringly empty. He went upstairs to Jane's room and sat in the chair next to her bed, the chair he had had so little time for. He noticed her diary lying on the table next to her bed. He picked it up and began to read. On one entire page she had written a single line: "Yesterday he spent an hour with me and it was like heaven: I love him so."
A reality that he had somehow been too blind to see now revealed itself with crushing clarity. Carlyle turned the page of Jane's diary. He read the words that would break his heart, words he could never forget: "I have listened all day to hear his steps in the hall, but now it is late and I guess he won't come today."
I sat stunned as I read. I know sometimes I treat Shelli this way. I have all these things I do in a day and she just wants to spend time with me. Sometimes I fill my day with everything but my precious wife who I love so much. My heart and eyes welled up with tears. I knew I was guilty of a similar lifestyle. My wife lay sleeping next to me while I read and I was able to put my book down and talk to my other Love about helping me be a better husband.
I am so glad that I read this story. It has helped me remember to take time for Shelli. She needs it and deserves it. I love her so much that I look forward to perfecting spending time with her for many more years. I am glad that we are a work in progress. Now time to go be with her.
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