2 Hard Lessons

I love raising American Quarter Horses. It brings me such joy. I love to marvel at my pregnant mares and each year I feel so excited about what God does when he makes a new baby foal. I get really attached to my foals. Its probably because I pray and dream and pray some more for them to come to fruition. I also have a hand in putting each baby inside of the mare, and I get to see that special baby at day 12 on ultrasound. Isn't God amazing?

God has been amazing in ways that have hurt really really bad too. My absolute favorite stallion ever was a horse named Deck of Stars. I wanted so badly to have Deck daughters in my broodmare band because they are so beautiful, sweet, and people horses. I have had the privilege of owning 2 such mares, and both have taught me some very hard, but important spiritual lessons. I will forever hold a special place in my heart, mind, and life for the role my Deck of Stars mares have played in my spiritual formation.

The first Deck filly God gave me was my second foal ever. Her name was All Star Investment. The name seems appropriate now. The filly lived 355 days inside her mommas tummy and then died during delivery.

The night the filly was delivered was over 11 years ago, but I remember it like yesterday. I was laying on my bed, the bottom bunk in the very northeast room of the AGR house in Lincoln, NE. The Lord spoke to me that night directly. He told me my mare would have a filly, and the filly would die. And that is exactly what happened. I called my mom in the morning. I said exactly these words. "Hi mom, did Cash have her baby last night?" She said "yes", I said, WAS it a filly? She said yes. I said, "did she die?" Mom said yes. I cried from the depths of my heart because I knew why the filly died and it was because of my unfaithfulness to the Lord. (My mares were bred to Deck of Stars his very last season standing at stud. After the breeding season, Deck died of a shoulder fracture, so I could never get another Deck baby born on my place. This was definitely a blow)

This is why I know in my heart that All Star Investment died. I had promised God if he sold my first colt, All Star Gain, for $4000, that I would give him 10% of the money. Well, God was faithful and sold the colt, but I never got around to keeping my end of the deal. God was working on my heart so personally, to give my first fruits, but I just hung on to the money too tightly.

I am SO SO SO thankful that God dealt with me harshly that day. My treasure was in money (and still is somedays) and it was not in the Lord. He nipped right there, in the budding stages of my heart, my love for money and earthly riches. God has an amazing way of pinpointing the sin in our life and dealing with each one of us individually. Now I can see why that lesson was so important. We have a lot of money coming and going in our lives. He richly blesses us with a large income, that is not ours to horde. Lord, let me never forget the lesson All Star Investment taught me.

I have raised 40 quarter horses since that day and I now remember our great provider in each and every sale that he makes. I want to give him the first fruits and all the glory he deserves when he raises a foal and sells it for us. Thank-you Jesus for all the wonderful foals you have made and sold for us over the last 10 years since All Star died.

I have had only one other Deck of Stars filly. Her name was Stars from Heaven. Star was never suppose to be. Her momma, Amber, should have died after her first pregnancy, (All Star Gain.) But God did a miracle and made Amber live. Then Amber was never suppose to get pregnant... and she did. Amber got in foal to my favorite sire Deck of Stars and carried the most beautiful filly, my gift, Star. Oh how I loved that filly.

Star grew up and became a prized member of my broodmare band, just like I had dreamed.

Star had 4 colts in a row for me, of which I was so thankful. But I longed for her to have one more baby, a beautiful filly like herself. So I bred Star 1 more time, this time to a world champion stallion, in hopes of that filly. Star conceived in 2009, but lost the baby at day 30. Star conceived again in 2010. This time twins, and one baby had to be reduced at day 18 to spare the life of Star and the other twin. Star carried the other twin "Radically Blessed" exactly 11 months.

The night Radically Blessed was born, I sat in my house and in the quietness I heard God speak to me again about sin that was in my life, just like he did 11 yrs earlier. Sin that I treated like a good friend instead of an enemy. Sin that was a danger to my relationship with God and my wife and other people. Sin that I didn't want to get rid of. In that moment God spoke to me, "the wages of sin is death." When that verse came to me, I thought, would God really take my filly again?

Well, later that night I learned the answer was Yes. That night, the filly that I longed for was born. And she died. And she was the perfect picture or equine beauty I had hoped and prayed for. I strongly heard the Lord. "The wages of sin is death. My son died for your sin and you treat that so flippantly. You go on sinning when you know it is wrong." I am sad to say that willful disobedience had become a part of my life.

God provided me the vivid picture of death that night, even though it was death of a horse, so that I could again be reminded of the huge cost of sin and the huge price he paid.

What really floored me was that God was not finished with my sick heart yet after Radically Blessed died. He made me really realize the wages of my sin, in having my beloved Star die, 5 days after foaling in Shelli and My arms. This hurts so bad. It hurts so bad because I know it was my fault. I know it was my fault for not listening to my God talking to me about sin. Oh how I need to make Jesus my LORD, not just my ticket to eternity in heaven.

The price for disobedience has been painful in my life. God really does speak to my heart in these situations. From now on I want to listen to him before he has to hurt me to get my attention. I am so sorry to my wife that my sin caused her dear friend Star to die. Oh God, Let me never forget this valuable lesson.

In Conclusion:
My hearts desire is that I do not forget about these spiritual lessons that God used my most prized earthly equine possesions to teach me.

Prayer from my broken heart - Lord, please help me to always keep you first place in my life - giving to your work whenever you provide for our needs. (The lesson of All Star Investment)

Help me Jesus to never let sin get a stonghold in my life. Help me to deal with it severely, remembering the wages of sin is death. (The lesson of Stars from Heaven)

Jesus, You are the morning star from heaven, who paid the price on the cross for my sin, so that I would no longer walk in sin and darkness. I want to walk in your light, in truth, and in holiness. Help me now. I love you and I am sorry.